#2

Bismillah-ir-Rahman-ir-Raheem

Assalam alaikum wr wb!

1. So I saw this talk on glamour on Ted.com. I suppose her message struck a chord with me somehow and lodged in my subconscious. Days later, my brother and I were driving to the mall on a Friday and we saw this man. He was tall, had grey hair cut close to the scalp and was handsome, but not in an overpowering way. He was wearing a crisp white kurta and pants - that seems to be the standard costume of South East Asians to the weekly congregational prayer Jummah. Basically, he was an otherwise unremarkable man - if not for his cane. It was beautiful amber-coloured polished wood and it shone in the afternoon sun like melted gold. It formed a semi-circular grip under his firm hand and was intricately carved with all kinds of animals. I couldn't stop staring at him till we drove by. He was just that cool.

Dude, that's what I call glamour. Way to rock a limp, man. I wish I had taken a picture

2. So I'm now a part-time copy-editor at my place of work, having aimed to use my extra time to explore other career options, or simply other more stable places to work because my company is cur-rrrrraaa-zzzzzy!!

I thought that while I'm still single and free of huge responsibility, I'd explore a few different career options.

Yes, I am justifying my choice to you because at the moment, I can't really see it working.

It's been two weeks and I'm bored stiff at home.

Plus, having a social anxiety disorder, I'm scared stiff to try new things. And my family is little or no help in that regard.

I've made a litany of mistakes this past year. I turned down a job at the biggest publishing house in the city. I let people's stupid idiotic personalities get to me when really, however much anyone screamed and cried, nothing except God can make them see the light. And by "light", I mean the headlights of an SUV. No, I'm kidding. I hope.

And I'm wondering now if this too is the latest in a series of mistakes.

3. Plus, my novel sucks. Not that it's unreadable. It's unwritable.

I've decided to drop one of my characters in it and give them an abusive relationship. Eventually, like me, she will kick him away but obviously, not without some scars.

I don't think I have the energy to write that. The poor girl is only 17 years old and the guy is a pig. A real pig. Would you want your sister to be treated that way? I wouldn't.

But if I back out and give them something less draining to wrestle with, then that is simply a cop-out. My future agent and publisher Insha Allah would never know, but I would know.

4. Plus, plus - my parents have found another proposal for me. And the thought of marriage and men fills me with dread. While I don't feel suicidal anymore (a huge achievement) and I do want to eventually have a family, I don't just want to do that just because it's another item I can check off my list. I want to marry for the right reasons. And honestly, I can't see how I can marry someone who's not even my friend.

There must be a solution.

Wassalam and Fee Amanillah,
Zed